Our New Normal Page 5

  She drifted off to sleep, imagined conversations with Chloe swirling in her head.

  Chapter 7

  Tori had never spoken to anyone about her concerns with sex. Her hesitation and fear about going all the way made her feel weak, and that was not the impression she wanted to give anyone, not for even a moment. The girls looked up to her, and she wanted to keep a strong, positive image so that they couldn’t use her weakness to their advantage.

  After a few more weeks of keeping her fears hidden, though, the frustration was so great that she wanted to scream. Tori was running out of ideas on ways to keep Aaron’s hands off of her, and keeping the anger bottled up over his persistence was making her patience run thin in all aspects of her life. She finally decided that she needed to talk to someone about it before she burst.

  Now it was just a matter of who that person would be.

  Her closet friend was Sabrina, but she worried that she’d talk; Sabrina was prone to gossiping, and the fact that the star quarterback was sex-deprived would be hard to keep to herself. Tori hoped that their friendship was strong enough that Sabrina would be more careful with Tori’s secrets than with others’ information.

  Accepting that she had no one else to confide in, Tori pulled Sabrina aside after cheerleading practice. “Rina, I need to talk to someone,” she said, her eyes pleading for help.

  Sabrina’s eye lit up. Oh wow, Tori actually knows I’m alive! Sabrina thought bitterly. She smiled warmly at Tori. “Sure, Tori, whatever you need. You can trust me.” They walked over to the gym bleachers, sitting down in one of the back rows.

  On the verge of tears, Tori explained to Sabrina the problems that she’d been having with Aaron, her fear of sex, and how she wouldn’t be able to put it off much longer as he was becoming more and more aggravated.

  Sabrina listened attentively, amazed that Tori had yet to have sex with anyone.

  “I don’t know what else to do, Rina,” Tori lamented. “I don’t want to mislead or hurt him, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to do it with him without freaking out, you know?”

  “I understand,” Sabrina replied, her brow furrowed in concentration. “Maybe you should just give it a shot, just once. Maybe if you can get over your fears you’ll see how great it is, and you won’t have trouble satisfying him after that.”

  “Yeah, I thought about that, too,” Tori began, “but when I imagine it happening I just get nauseous all over again. I don’t want to start things up and then decide I don’t want to. That’d be worse to do to Aaron than continuing to say no.”

  “Well, if you’re sure you don’t want to, then he’ll just have to wait,” Sabrina said assertively. “If he loves you, he’ll deal with it. And you’re so beautiful and great that I doubt he’d leave you for someone else.” She smiled at Tori, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You’ll be okay, sweetie. It’ll all work out.”

  Tori smiled gratefully, the tension lifted. “Thank you, Rina. You’re a great friend.” They hugged each other and made their way to the parking lot. Tori thanked her again as she got into her car and headed home.

  As Sabrina watched Tori’s car disappear into the distance, she thought of Aaron and his sexy body. She’s an idiot for not doing him, she thought. If I was her, I’d screw his brains out every day.

  A sneer formed. “Maybe I still can,” she said aloud. She walked back to the school, hastily making her way to the locker room.

  * * *

  Chloe and Kristen lay next to one another in Chloe’s bed, Chloe’s fingers gently brushing against Kristen’s bare stomach. Both were relieved to finally have some alone time; they rarely went an entire week without being together.

  Kristen reached over and lightly kissed Chloe’s soft, warm lips. “You better get ready, baby,” she said. “You have work pretty soon.”

  Chloe sighed. “I know,” she lamented. “I don’t want to go in today, though. Why don’t I call off and we spend the rest of the day together? Maybe get another round in before mom gets home?” She smiled coyly, her index finger tenderly brushing Kristen’s hip.

  Kristen took a sharp breath, her body tensing up as she broke eye contact. “That sounds amazing, babe, but I have somewhere to be tonight.”

  Chloe raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Anything fun planned tonight?”

  Kristen sat up. “Well, I’m going to Jim’s tonight,” she replied quietly.

  Chloe turned onto her side, resting her head against her hand and trying to appear casual. “Oh, okay,” she managed, avoiding eye contact. She covered her breasts with the blanket as the normal pang of jealousy erupted in her stomach.

  Kristen shrugged. “I haven’t seen him in a while,” she explained as she slid on her panties, “and he doesn’t have a whole lot of homework this weekend, so I might as well spend it with him.”

  “Yeah, definitely,” Chloe agreed, struggling to sound enthusiastic. “It’ll be a while until you get to see him for that many days at a time.” She got out of bed and began changing into her work clothes.

  Kristen wrapped her arms around Chloe and kissed her passionately. Chloe’s body started to quiver, and she struggled against the urge to throw Kristen back on the bed and rip her clothes back off.

  “You’ll see me again in no time,” Kristen promised, releasing Chloe from her embrace.

  Chloe looked up and smiled timidly, unsure of what else to say without betraying her disappointment. She kissed Kristen one last time on the cheek before they headed downstairs.

  * * *

  Sabrina changed out of her uniform and into regular clothes, unbuttoning most of the buttons on her shirt so that her ample cleavage was fully exposed. She applied fresh makeup and ensured that her hair was perfect before she made her way onto the football field. Practice would be over in a few minutes, so she waited patiently on the sidelines until the coach’s whistle signaled the end.

  “Hey there, Rina,” Aaron greeted as he headed to the locker room.

  She smiled, leaning against the fence and throwing her shoulders back to further enhance her breasts. “Hi, Aaron,” she replied. “How was practice?” She noticed his eyes wandering towards her cleavage, and she stuck her chest out to accentuate it even more.

  Aaron’s eyes widened as he noticed her purposely bringing attention to her breasts. I think she’s trying to hit on me! he thought. But she’s Tori’s best friend! Maybe I’m just imagining it since I haven’t gotten laid in so long. He smirked, thinking of Tori’s reluctance to be alone with him after their last fight. I bet Sabrina wouldn’t turn me down.

  Aaron forced himself to maintain eye contact. “Um, it was fine,” he responded. “The new linebacker, Alder, is going to give us the competitive edge this year.”

  “That’s cool,” she said. “It’ll be awesome to cheer like crazy while you guys kick everyone’s asses!”

  He chuckled. “I sure hope so,” he muttered, trying to avoid gawking.

  “So what are you up to tonight?” she inquired.

  “Um, I’m not sure yet,” he answered, scratching the back of his head. “I guess I’ll have to call Tori and see what’s going on.”

  That’s my cue, Sabrina thought. “So, what’s been up with you two lately? You seem distant, and you haven’t been spending as much time together as you used to.”

  Aaron shrugged. “We had another fight a few weeks ago, and it’s been kind of weird since. Things will get better, though.” He started walking towards the locker room. “You want to walk with me? I need to get out of this rank uniform and get into the showers.”

  Sabrina smiled coyly. “Sure,” she said, catching up to him. “I’m sorry to hear about you and Tori! You guys make such a cute couple. I’m sure you’ll have make-up sex and get over your spat in no time!”

  Aaron scoffed. “I sincerely doubt that,” he muttered. “She’s waiting to have sex until she’s ready.”

  Sabrina’s eyes widened in mock surprise. “Oh, wow! You
must be so frustrated!”

  Aaron shrugged. “Sometimes, but I understand her need to wait. You know how religious her family is. It’ll happen one of these days.” He walked into the entrance of the locker room, removing his jersey and padding.

  Sabrina brushed a single finger over his pecs, her eyes piercing his. “Well, until that day comes, if you ever need help…um, relieving your tension…why don’t you give me a call, okay?” She winked as he took a final look at her cleavage. She spun around and walked towards the exit, her hips swaying in her tight jeans. Aaron couldn’t help but watch her until she was out of view.

  As he adjusted his boxer briefs, he had a feeling that he might have to take Sabrina up on her offer.

  * * *

  Chloe wasn’t having the best day at work. Not only was she miserable because of Kristen, but she’d also had problems finding a parking space at the mall and ended up a couple minutes late. Most of the mall patrons also seemed exceptionally grouchy and impatient that day—and they all seemed to come into her store. By the time she was due for her first break, Chloe was exhausted and contemplated telling her boss that she was sick and needed to go home. Reminding herself that she only had a few more hours to go, though, she decided to wait it out. She walked over to the food court on her break to both get a snack and try to relax for a few minutes. She settled into a booth and slowly ate her soft pretzel, hesitating as much as possible to return to the hell hole she called her job, when she heard a familiar name from the booth behind her.

  “Tori said she was busy tonight doing homework! Homework! She never does homework!” the male voice said angrily. “She keeps making up excuses to avoid me, and it’s getting on my nerves. I mean, I love her and all, but I can only take so much from her! I’m not like one of the morons in our school who are fine with just dealing with her crap.”

  “She did say earlier today that she had a huge public speaking assignment due next week,” a female’s voice responded. “She said it was her first big speech she had to do in front of everyone, and it was worth a lot of points.”

  “When has Tori ever given a damn about anything other than what jeans she’s going to wear the next day?” he retorted. “She obviously doesn’t care about me or my needs. She knows I could leave in an instant, and she still won’t give it up. She’s purposely avoiding me, I just know it! I’ve tried to be patient with her, but I’m sick of not feeling wanted by my own girlfriend!”

  “It’s going to be okay, I promise,” the girl said. “As a matter of fact, I know someone willing to help with your problems.”

  Chloe heard the guy chuckle.

  “Why don’t you come over to my place?” the girl purred. “I’ll help you relax.”

  Chloe sat in the booth quietly, straining to hear their conversation. She had a feeling that the Tori of which they spoke was the same that had been making her life a living hell. Chloe wasn’t sure if she wanted it to use as ammunition against her or if she should warn her; Tori was evil incarnate, but it still wasn’t right to cheat on someone.

  Ha! You have a lot of room to talk, Chloe thought to herself. You’re the one who had sex with your best friend right before she went to see her boyfriend! She frowned, trying to convince herself that it was different than what was being conspired in the next booth. If Jim were here and not an hour away most of the year, Kristen and I wouldn’t be together nearly as much. Better she be with me than anyone else; at least I won’t get in the way or try to break them up.

  There was a pause for a long moment before the guy responded. “Yeah, I think I will. I don’t want to be alone again tonight, and Tori obviously can’t care less about what I’m doing without her.”

  “Let’s go, then. Here, I’ll toss this for you.”

  Chloe heard the girl get up and walk in her direction. Neither of them had been aware of her presence as the height of the booth blocked her from their view, so Sabrina walked right past in the shortest skirt Chloe had ever seen. Chloe could plainly see the thong underneath the thin fabric, and Sabrina’s buttocks and lean calves demanded attention as she walked to the trash can in high heels. Her cropped, low-cut shirt left nothing to the imagination about her muscular abs and heaving cleavage. She had a knowing smirk on her face; her plan to get Tori’s man in the sack was working.

  As Aaron Morris followed Sabrina on their way out, their fingers entwined, Chloe now knew for certain that they were talking about Tori Reynolds. She shook her head, wondering what to do with her newly acquired information. She generally avoided spreading gossip, but this was about Tori; a part of her felt like the whole world needed to know and laugh at her for once.

  She reached in her pocket to call Kristen and tell her the news, but she stopped before the call went through. Kristen’s probably busy…entertaining…Jim. Chloe sighed, her gut filling with jealousy. She’s been my girl for so long—but, at the same time, she’s never been mine. And she never will be.

  Chloe threw away the remnants of her pretzel, her appetite ruined, and trudged back to Trend to finish the rest of her shift.

  * * *

  Tori had completely forgotten that she had a desk in her bedroom, and she couldn’t remember how long it’d been since she’d sat down and seriously worked on homework. This assignment was important, though, and she wanted to use her brain for once. Not only that, but Chloe was in the class, and Tori had to find a way to talk to her about something. The nagging urge to know Chloe still plagued her mind, and she couldn’t help but follow through with it. Talking to Chloe was one of the only things she’d diligently worked on in years.

  As she reviewed the eighth draft of her speech, she realized how dorky she was acting. It was Friday night, but here she was: doing homework instead of partying, shopping, or hanging out with Aaron. She chuckled to herself as she crumpled up another draft and tossed it into the trash. I have to get this right, she told herself, ignoring her drowsiness.

  Nearly an hour later, she finished another draft and read it to herself. Satisfied with what she had, she stood in front of her full-length mirror and read the words as if she were delivering it to her peers in class. After a few sentences, though, her hands began shaking. She closed her eyes, struggling to steady both her hands and voice, as she pictured her classroom. She imagined the other students and their teacher looking stunned as she spoke clearly and confidently. She couldn’t help but laugh at herself for wanting the other students to care that she was doing a good job, but it helped her focus.

  As she reached the end of her speech, Tori imagined Chloe watching her with an approving smile on her face. She then pictured Chloe advancing to the podium and giving her a congratulatory hug. For a moment, Tori just stood in place, her eyes closed and mind swirling with happiness as she imagined feeling Chloe in her arms.

  Oh my gosh!

  The draft slipped from her hands, papers scattering across the floor. Tori didn’t bother picking them up as she sat on her bed and rested her head in her hands. She felt like she’d been hit by a ton of bricks, almost like something had just unlocked in her brain.

  Tori finally understood what was happening to her and why she cared about Chloe’s approval. She flung herself onto the bed and screamed into her pillow, releasing the missing piece that she’d been holding back for some time now.

  I have a crush on Chloe!

  Chapter 8

  The weekend dragged for Tori as she tried to make sense of her revelation. She wished that she could ask for help, but she knew that none of her friends could find out, especially after the incident in the cafeteria with Chloe and her friend. Reaching out to her parents wasn’t an option, either; she barely talked to them about everyday issues. She felt woefully alone, and she stayed that way the entire weekend—sequestered in her bedroom, leaving only for food and the bathroom, and refusing to answer her phone for anyone.

  “All this time,” she muttered to herself as she paced in her room, her nails almost chewed down to the quick. She start
ed realizing how often she’d been looking and admiring Chloe since the school year started, how she longed for her acknowledgment, and how she’d hesitate to tease her if her friends said anything about her. Tori wondered how long she’d been attracted to her; she remembered her from middle school, but she couldn’t remember what she thought of her or if they’d ever actually had a conversation. All she knew now was that she wanted her in a way that she’d never imagined.

  She was terrified of what to do next, and it left her paralyzed in her room. What if they can tell now? she wondered. What if they find out? My friends will hate me. I’ll be shunned, and I’ll never make friends outside of the Frosted Flakes after how I’ve treated everyone else!

  Her parents flashed across her mind, and her heart thumped erratically. My parents will kick me out for sure, I just know it! Her parents’ church insisted that being gay was a one-way ticket to hell with no exceptions, and her parents shared the same beliefs.

  Her mind shifted onto worrying about what would happen if she came out. I’d have to find my own place, get a job, pay for college, and pay bills! How can I manage all this on my own? Coming out would ruin my life!

  But if it’s gonna ruin my life, why am I so happy? I feel so relieved, so alive! I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am. Hopefully, my friends will support me if I tell them. Maybe my parents will understand, too, with time.

  Then again, do I even have to tell anyone? I mean, I don’t even know if Chloe likes girls. If she’s straight, then coming out would be completely pointless. She might end up hating me even more, too, if she finds out I’m a lesbian.

  But I don’t even know if I’m a lesbian yet. Yeah, I have a crush on a girl, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m entirely gay, does it? Maybe it’s just her. Maybe I’m not gay? How am I supposed to know?