Our New Normal Page 6

  Her mind raced with the same questions throughout the weekend, none of which could be spoken aloud for fear of persecution. There had to be someone she could talk to, though.

  She started surfing the internet, finding chat groups and websites dedicated to coming out and making sense of the feelings associated with discovering that one was gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or other gender and sexual identities. Through instant messaging, forums, and chat rooms, she heard the stories of those both local and around the country who had gone through the same crisis and had gotten through it just fine.

  Tori also learned that there were local activities and events for LGBTQ individuals such as local band nights at a nearby coffee shop and bingo nights with a drag queen intermission. Some places had support groups so that people could get together and talk in person about their experiences, help others who were struggling, or receive guidance from those who understood what they were going through. Tori had never known that such a strong LGBTQ presence existed in the area, and she was thankful that she had somewhere to go if she needed help. This would be a rough journey for her.

  * * *

  Aaron felt in control again. After Tori’s phone went straight to voicemail for the fifth time that weekend, he gave up and decided to spend most of the weekend with Sabrina. Friday night had been spectacular, one of the best nights he’d had in a long time, and Sabrina seemed to feel the same way as she kept wanting more.

  He finally felt like he was a man, not some pathetic puppy that followed Tori around with his tail between his legs. This is how the star quarterback should feel, he thought. The whole school loves me and wants me, and so should those in my private life. Why did I put up with Tori so long? Why did I let her push me around? Sabrina is so hot, and she is amazing in bed. We’d make a much better couple.

  They lay beside each other in Sabrina’s bed. Aaron was holding her in his arms as Sabrina idly ran her fingers over his pronounced abs. “I’ll break up with her right now,” Aaron announced. “I’m sick of her. You’re so much better than her, anyway. We make a better couple.” He kissed her forehead.

  Sabrina froze. All she’d been aiming for was to fool around and give Tori a little bit of payback; she didn’t want to get stuck with him on a long-term basis. She unwrapped herself from Aaron and sat up. “Um, I think we should maybe keep this quiet for the sake of the squad and the team, don’t you think? If Tori and I start fighting, then the entire squad will take sides, and it could get ugly really fast. We don’t want some squabble affecting the games; if the squad is grumpy, the fans will be, too. We can’t have that. Besides, this is fun—the sneaking around, the thrill of getting caught. It makes the sex that much better.” Her hand ventured south, reminding him of the excitement that they had been sharing over the past few days.

  Aaron tried to argue about what she had suggested, but her hand was winning at convincing him of the right course of action. “You’re probably right,” he acquiesced. “The last thing the team needs is an argument breaking out during school or a game. Besides, both of you would get kicked off the team if a fight erupted. No, it’s better to keep it our secret.”

  “I’m very relieved to hear you say that,” Sabrina said, kissing him passionately as they continued with their marathon.

  * * *

  Chloe spent the rest of the weekend moping around the house when she wasn’t at work. She kept thinking about Kristen and wondering what she was doing with Jim—as if she didn’t already know the answer—and if she was having more fun with him than she would’ve had with Chloe. She was happy for Kristen, or at least she was trying to be; she hadn’t gotten to spend much time with her boyfriend once he went off to college. All the same, Chloe was accustomed to having her around all of the time, especially on the weekends, and she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. Chloe suspected that they were getting serious, which meant her time with Kristen would become even more limited. They always agreed that they’d respect each other’s space if one of them got serious with their significant other, and Chloe wanted to adhere to that promise—but that didn’t mean that she had to like it.

  Kristen had been Chloe’s only steady love interest in quite a while; it’d been almost a year since Chloe had even gone on a date with anyone else. She didn’t feel the need to date anyone else, though, since she and Kristen were generally together a few times a week. Sex aside, no one knew Chloe better than Kristen. They enjoyed the same activities, could talk for hours, and loved being affectionate in their private moments. Kristen was the epitome of everything that she wanted in a relationship; anything else seemed like a waste of time.

  Chloe didn’t want anyone but Kristen, but when they decided to date others she would play it off as if it didn’t matter. She’d tried dating guys to forget about Kristen, but all that she could do was think of her; she’d been in love with Kristen from the day that she realized that she was capable of loving another girl like that.

  Chloe knew that, if she ever started dating again, she’d only want to be with another woman; dating guys just didn’t suit her. She was aware that her life would probably be more difficult thanks to the closed-minded people who just didn’t understand, but she also knew that she’d be happier if she was honest about who she was. When she found “the one,” she didn’t want to have to hide; she’d shout it from the hills and ignore anyone who tried to steal her happiness. It was the way that she was born, and she wasn’t afraid to admit who she was. No one was going to change that.

  Chapter 9

  Tori’s hands felt clammy as she clutched her speech. Going through about twenty drafts, she had gotten it as close to perfect as possible, and she hoped that she was successful. The last thing she wanted to do was sound like an idiot after all of the time that she’d spent on the project.

  Peering around the class, Tori noticed that Chloe seemed to be the calmest student in the room; everyone else was a pale or sickly shade of green. The assignment was to give a short speech on a topic about which each person was interested for approximately ten minutes. Five people had delivered their speech each day that week, and by Wednesday Tori was to the point where she just wanted to get it over with.

  She cleared her throat, trying to control the shaking in her hands and butterflies in her stomach. “Um, well, I wanted to talk about how the media and societal norms influence teenagers’ behavior.” Chloe’s eyebrows rose in interest. Tori cleared her throat again and began her speech, trying to speak with clarity and confidence. She had practiced so many times that, after only a few sentences, her anxiety decreased enough that she got through the entire assignment with few issues. Even if she didn’t end up getting a passing grade, Tori was proud that she’d spoken as well as she had. She was also amused by the silence blanketing the room—especially by the confused expressions on some people’s faces as they tried to figure out what had just happened.

  Mr. Thompson was one of the silent observers in the audience. He was impressed with Tori’s hard work and amazed at her intelligence. He wondered what had brought on this lapse in acting like an airhead; she was obviously smarter than she usually let on, so she must usually pretend to be an idiot just to fit in.

  Society’s effect on teenage behavior, indeed.

  “Does anyone have any questions or comments?” he asked, looking around the room.

  Chloe raised her hand. Tori’s heart fluttered.

  “Yeah, I just had a comment,” Chloe said. “You said in your speech that every teen is affected by the standards that society puts into place, but I don’t think that’s always true. There are a lot of teens that don’t conform, that don’t want to be a cookie-cutter version of what the societal norm says they should be. A lot of people try to avoid it at all costs.”

  Tori smiled knowingly. “Yes, but by avoiding what society deems to be normal, those people are still being affected,” she retorted. “If you’re purposefully doing the exact opposite of what you’re supposed to be doing, yo
u obviously know what the norm is so that you can make sure you’re not conforming to it.”

  “What about teens who are just themselves without caring what they’re supposed to act like?” Chloe asked. “There are a lot of people who just wear what they want and do what they want without caring if it’s in style or not. They don’t care what society does as long as they’re comfortable with who they are.”

  Tori paused, considering her response. “Well sure, you could walk around in a clown suit every day if that’s what makes you happy, but would you? Everyone has some basic level of insecurity. Haven’t you ever heard these seemingly apathetic people say that they need to lose weight, go to the latest store, alter their style based on a new fashion they like, or say they couldn’t wear something because they ‘couldn’t pull it off?’ What do you think they’re basing this on? The norms that society laid out for us, even if they’re not following them on a conscious level.”

  Chloe thought about how she’d always said that she couldn’t wear the same style clothing as Kristen because it wouldn’t look right on her body shape, and she subtly cringed. “They’re only doing it to make themselves happy. It’s not because they’re trying to fit in.”

  “I’m not necessarily saying that everyone is doing it to fit in. Society tells us how we should look and act, and it surrounds us at all times. Everywhere we look is a depiction of the norm—the media shoves it down our throats, and no one can avoid that. So yes, these people are comfortable with themselves, but they also change their behavior and styles for a reason. No matter how minuscule, whether or not these people even realize it, everyone’s affected in some sort of manner.” Tori gazed into Chloe’s eyes as Chloe remained silent, her face filled with bewilderment.

  Mr. Thompson paused for a few moments before he spoke. “Did anyone have anything else?”

  Chloe shook her head, still looking at Tori with an amazed look on her face. The class applauded for Tori, including a smiling Chloe. Tori returned the smile as she walked back to her seat.

  Once everyone had finished, Mr. Thompson passed out a sheet of paper. “That was great, class! All of you have done quite well with your assignments, and I’m pleased with both the topics everyone chose and how eloquently everyone spoke.” he glanced over at Tori and nodded. “I know that we still have a few more days of presentations, but I wanted to give everyone a few extra days to prepare for your next assignment.” The class groaned, eliciting a smile despite his best efforts to keep passive. It amused him how, thanks to years of teaching, he could time the length and tone of the groans that he’d receive from his class.

  He grabbed a stack of papers from his desk and started passing them out. “This assignment will be a team project. We’re going to have a team debate during midterm week, and I want you to find a partner to work with. Each team will pick a topic from the list on this paper, then we’ll use the topics to debate against each other. Everyone, take some time to pick your partner and we’ll talk more about this tomorrow.”

  Everyone looked around the room at one another, some students looking completely overwhelmed while others had partners picked long before the bell rang.

  “Okay, everyone, that’s it for now. I’ll see everyone tomorrow.” The class filed out, Tori and Chloe near the back. “Tori and Chloe, can I see you two for a minute?” The girls looked at each other with the same puzzled expression as they advanced to the desk.

  “Girls, I was impressed with your discussion today. It’s not often I have students who aren’t afraid to start up a conversation so soon in a class. I’d like you to be partners on the next assignment.”

  Chloe’s eyes widened, and Tori’s mouth flew open. “What?” they asked in unison.

  “You interacted so well as opponents; I’d like to see how you guys do as allies. I guarantee if you collaborate with the same fervor as today, you’ll win any debate you enter into.” He smiled, hoping that they’d agree.

  “Um, okay,” Chloe muttered, confused.

  “That’s fine,” Tori said, screaming with glee on the inside.

  “Great!” Mr. Thompson exclaimed. “I’ll see you two tomorrow. If you see anything on the list that speaks to you, let me know, okay?”

  “Sure,” they replied, leaving the class.

  As Tori and Chloe walked down the hall together, both were afraid to say anything. Tori felt as if she was going to explode—she was on a team with Chloe! How would she be able to talk to her, to act normal around her? Chloe was also nervous, afraid that Tori would be rude the entire time and make her life a living hell.

  Chloe cleared her throat. “Well, I guess we should exchange numbers, then, since we’re going to be getting together for the assignment.”

  Tori smiled. “Yeah, I guess,” she replied. “We’ll have to set up a time to get together to do research and stuff.”

  “Yeah,” Chloe agreed. “We can always meet after school in the library.”

  Tori pulled out a notebook and scribbled down her number, and Chloe did the same. Chloe thanked her as she walked into her next class, wondering how quickly it’d take for her number to be written on a bathroom stall.

  “I’ll see you soon!” Tori called after her, wanting to cheer. She finally had a chance to talk to Chloe alone! She hoped she wouldn’t mess it up by sounding like an idiot.

  Chapter 10

  In her next class, Chloe barely paid attention. All she could think about was Tori. She knew that Tori couldn’t be faking; one could easily fake stupid, but it was much harder to fake smart. If this were the case, that meant that she’d been hiding her intelligence for her entire high school career. It amazed Chloe that someone would purposely compromise their grades and future just so a few people—people who wouldn’t even matter after high school—would like her.

  Chloe had been annoyed on the first day of school that she had a class with Tori, but now they were on a team. Knowing that her midterm grade depended on Tori’s contribution terrified Chloe. She hoped that Tori’s enthusiasm about the project was genuine, but there was no way for Chloe to be sure. She just had to hope for the best and plan for the worst—namely, for Tori to drop the act and start harassing her again or to stop working on their assignment altogether and leave it to Chloe to pick up the pieces.

  She hadn’t mentioned the discovery of Aaron’s affair to anyone. Kristen had been somewhat distant since her return from her weekend at Jim’s, so they hadn’t spoken much. Now that she was on a team with Tori, she was glad that she hadn’t said anything; if she had spread the rumor and Tori discovered the source, the assignment could’ve been compromised. Chloe decided to keep the news to herself until either Tori did something worthy of humiliating her or until she became close enough to Tori to tell her in confidence. Regardless of the outcome, though, she was apprehensive to be on a team with Tori, and she hoped that the experience would end positively rather than in total disaster.

  * * *

  Tori watched Chloe out of the corner of her eye at lunch, trying desperately not to be noticed or appear to be some sort of stalker. Her stomach had been filled with butterflies all day as she thought about the two of them finding a quiet corner in the library, their bodies almost touching as they studied the same material. Tori tried to imagine asking Chloe to come over to her house for extra study, asking her out for coffee sometime, or just sitting around and talking.

  She felt another pang of guilt in her gut about how she’d treated others. If her secret was ever revealed, she knew that she would get teased more than anyone else, revenge for how she’d treated everyone else for all of these years. She wanted to find a way to redeem herself before it was too late.

  Sabrina sat next to Tori, a big smile on her face. “Hey there, hun!” she greeted. “How’s it going?”

  “Hi, Rina. I’m okay, I guess,” Tori responded. “I have another huge project coming up in my public speaking class, a team debate. I’m kind of stressed out about it.” She left out the part where
she was nervous about being alone with her debate partner, though her stomach fluttered at the brief flash of Chloe in her mind.

  “A team debate? That sucks! Why don’t you get your teammate to do all the work?”

  Tori pictured Chloe’s look of betrayal in her mind and shook her head. “It’s kind of interesting, actually. I’m looking forward to it a little bit.”

  Sabrina raised an eyebrow. “What’s up with you and concentrating on homework lately? Usually, you just focus on clothing and Aaron.”

  Another pang of guilt attacked Tori’s stomach. She knew that she would have to break up with Aaron, but she felt awful about it; he’d been so patient and loving, but nothing he could do would ever be enough. “Yeah, I know. It’s just something about this class that excites me.” She glanced at Chloe and quickly looked back before Sabrina could notice. “I just hope that Aaron will understand.”

  I’ll keep him occupied for you, Sabrina thought, a grin flashing across her face for an instant. “Yes, I’m sure he’ll understand. He should be happy that you’re trying to get good grades.” Plus the busier you are, the more he gets to be with me.

  Tori nodded. “I think so, too.”

  “How are things between you two?” Sabrina asked.

  Tori shrugged. “I’m still not sure what I want to do about holding off, and we haven’t talked about it yet. Honestly, I’ve been so busy I’ve barely seen him.”

  “I’ve noticed how super busy you’ve been,” Sabrina said. Especially since he was by my side all weekend. “I tried calling you a couple times this weekend, but you never answered. Is there something wrong?”

  Tori’s stomach shuddered again. “Uh, no, not really. I just had a lot of homework and chores to do,” she lied. She hoped Sabrina bought it; she always said that she hated doing chores and pretty much refused to do them until the help finally did them for her.

  “Oh, okay,” Sabrina said casually.